Happy 50th Post

The last post was morrisless 50th post in celebration and due to my sure lack of ambition I have dug my very first post up from the archives.

(first post as stephenglass)

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Relief Hellicopter shot with bow and arrow in South Asia An Indian helicopter dropping food and water over the remote Andaman and Nicobar Islands has been attacked by tribesmen using bows and arrows. Oh no! not a relief helicopter what should we do? I know let's shoot it down. Unfortunately with the present military campaigns against weapons of mass distruction, and all those south asian gun control laws the were forced to shoot bows. Darn that patriot act yeah, and that western mind set. Politicians are now lobbying for stricter bow control Southern Asia. (fist post about myself) Thursday, March 03, 2005 Jewishy Shmikits Series of Everyday Events Beep! Beep! Beep! I could have sworn I set my alarm/ radio/ clock/ phone/ tape player/ toaster oven for six a.m. and I'm sure I fliped the radio alarm switch. However, instead of waking up to the melodious sounds of Lil' Jon sckreaming Yeeaahh! in my ear, all I hear is beep, beep, beep. So why am I staring deep into the eyes of 4:55? Because it's Thursday and thats no alarm clock, no, it's the garbage truck, or should I say the waste receptical motor vehicle. (We have to be politically correct so as not to offend any "waste managment personel") I am pretty sure that truck was directly out side my window for 45 min.. At any rate I decided to hit the snooze for "five more min." and woke up around 7:45, which would have been fine if not for that whole getting to class on time thing. After a "refreshing" (by refreshing I mean freezing cold.) shower and some watery (my rice milk was a little old) raisn bran I was ready to go. I walked out into the halway to find the building maintenence guy with a large sander by his side. They have been refinishing the floors on our hall this week and aparantly they decided 9:30 was a good time to start the workday. My roomate was incredibly blessed. After a white washed ride at a tortise pace I arrived at school. I have to say the absolute worst part of my day was when I was in the sci. lab studying for my test; I went over to the window cill to grab a tissue for my running nose. Empty! What kind of sick trickery is this. I made it through the test and headed home to study for another exam that I have tomorrow. I went to grab my roomates laptop which he aparantly dedided to take to school with him. There goes my afternoon of online Biology quizzez. After some serious strategizing I decided the most efficient course of action was a 3 hour power nap. To top it all off I missed my favorite show thanks to some "friends" of mine. Thank God for digital cable. Unfortunately no one taped American Idol tonight, I guess I'l have to wait until next week to se left over pop hasbeens tell aspiring performers how to have long lasting music careers. "straight up now tell me do you really wan't your career to last forever" Well unless you wan't to end up doing burger king commercials with such famous musicians as N'SYNC and Hootie and Blowfish I suggest you quit the competition now. I believe I am going to retire now and try to wake up tomorrow on the right side of the bed. To bad it's a fouton and their is only one side to wake up on. J.

first morrisless post
Saturday, April 09, 2005

The Sick Sense

A strip of gradient blue separates the silhouette of the rolling horizon and the sky which is like a floodlight covered in black velvet punctured by a thousand needles. A melancholy country song plays on my radio and my mind is lost in an imaginative daydream. Suddenly my senses are overloaded by the smell of spring in the North Country. As I drive by the corn field I am reminded of why I was so anxious for my town turn into a frozen tundra. That smell was not the sweet aroma of daisies and dandelions; on the contrary it was "fertilizer"! Can somebody please tell me why with all the technology we have we can't find an odor neutralized for freaken fertilizer. Yet another perfectly good spring evening ruined by the cornfield farmers of NY. I don't know if you noticed but it (corn) comes in a can now, on a shelf, in a store. And that whole corn maize maze thing is fun but its not worth the 6 months of stench. But the farmers are here to stay, so grab your grandma's clothespin and get ready for some summer fun.
j.

Barber Shop somewhere else

So I am at the barber shop the other day...

First of all I walk in and this is no north country barber shop it's straight ghetto. These guys look at me and my j. crew shirt, and Banana Republic kahkis (not to mention my wanna be burks) and I am sure they holding back their snickers. "Who's this white boy think he is? Boy are you lost? Do you need a mirror (to check your melanin)?" , They seemed to say.

Of course a customer is a customer right, and money is money. So the barber pointed to the wall and said what kind of cut do you want. Ths wall had 90 black hair styles on it and about 7 cheesy (rather obligatory) pictures of white people. "Just give me a light fade and a trim on the beard.

55 min later my scruffy facial hair had been sculpted into a near perfectly symetrical piece of art, and my hair looked just like picture. Amazingly enough I walked in white as could be and walked out with just a hint of ghetto.

None of this is very amusing I am sure, but the conversation of these "barbers" was hilareous.
Mavis, did you know in alaska it stays dark for like 20 hours a day. No way man thats crazy I heard that got moose up there bigger than that door over their. I was wathcin that discobery channel the other day man and....

You get the point 55 min. of common knowledge being shared like new discovery and hair cut that requires new sneakers, a basketball jersey, and some bling bling. My melanin is fine by the way.

Now Taking Applications

Morrisless.com will be under constructon over the next month the exhisting site will remain fully operational and by mid to late aug. it will be replaced by the updated design. The new sight will be more organized and aesthetically pleasing. It will contain a photography section (I finally opened a flickr account), and a music section, with reviews and samples of independant music including some of my own.

"We" (me and the mouse in my pocket) here at morrisless are very excited about the growth of our online community and hope to enlarge that community in the days to come. If you would like to become of the morrisless team we would love to have you. The pay is lousy and the hours are long but someday youl get a "free" t-shirt or something.

We are currently looking for editors who can take one - two assignments a week, proofread them, and give educated feedback under a 2-7 day deadline. Shorter deadlines for time sensitive current event material.

Also if you are an illustrator and have interest in working with our writers to do political style cartoons it might be a good addition.

Morrisless is in need of story finders, if you specialize in reading periodicals on politics, music, or other current events (teen people and seventeen magazine do not count. Sorry.)

Writers, movie critics, music buffs, etc. if you are a talanted and witty writer we want to hear from you. Editors, artists, independent musicians, send us what you got.

The official morrisless email address is morrislessj@hotmail.com but feel free to use the comment box which is linked to the account.

J. Morris
Director

Everyone turns eventually.

10 things you shouldn't let bug you, and why.

1. Having 17 out of 19 traffic lights on the way home be red.
why? Because without the red we would have no appreciation for green.
Then green would get all depressed and turn blue and need therapy; and the people would be very confused as to what exactly your supposed to do at a blue light, and... well you get the idea.

2. Having your rice milk and captain crunch stolen because you hid it underneath your roomates locked car (in the grocery parkinglot) while you run inside to get the key.
why? Whoever took it must have needed it.
Besides you probably eat to much as it is, and it is not like breakfast is really that important in fact in Zarinea any one who eats before noon is scalped. (Zarinea is not an actual place no zaranians were harmed in the writing of this article.) Although in India I hear breakfast is a god. Eh well. (shrugs shoulders)

3. Starting work at 3 or 4 when all your friends get done at 5.
why? By the time they finally decide what they want to do that nigt youl just about be done with your shift. "I dunno what do you want to do?"

4. Having an internet connection that works "most" of the time.
why? Most is better than none right?
It's more fun when your never quite sure if the page you want will come up, or to have to type the url in 16 times before the page displays. Lots and Lots of fun!!!!!!!!!! (fake grinning from ear to ear)

5. When Boston looses 3 out of 4 games to the Yankees.
Why? because we are still 2 games ahead and the one game we did win was 17-1.

6. When your exit is closed because of night construction that started at 9:30 and your driving by at 9:42.
Why? Becasue there is nothing quite like wandering aimlessly around the ghetto at 10 pm trying to find your way home.

7. Have someone leave a "constructive" criticism in your website comments.
Why? Sympathy comments from your friends.

8. Going way over on your wireless bill because your mom calls you 3 times a day.
Why? Quality time with the woman cared for you when you were sick, and spent 37 hours in labor, and bought you superman pjamas with feet(and no I don't still wear them, their to small) and ... PRICELESS.

9. Waiting an hour and a half to get your garlic chicken pasta dinner at the Olive Garden.
Wny, because the longer you wait the cheaper your meal gets.
My roomates meal was completely free, luckily for me it just happened to be my turn to pay.

10. Driving for six blocks waiting for the guy in the white accord in front of you to turn left becase his blinker has been on since you got off of the high way.
Why? Becasue EVERYONE TURNS EVENTUALLY
Maybe not now, mabe not even a little bit after now, but tomorrow or the day after that, the man in the white accord will eventually make that turn.

j.

What's your hop?

It seems that at this point in "pop" (as in popular and current) musics' evolution the growth spirts are slowing down and genre's are slowly melding into conglomorate sespool devoid of individuality. It's like a carnival midway, The A&R are screaming at you to "play their game" (buy their CD) promising a winner every time. All they "games" on the mid-way may be packaged differently, but they all leave you with an empty pocket and a cheap peace of plastic called a prize.

Independant artist are doing everything within their creative ability to push the envelope forward. But often creativity is traded for abition and art is pawned for a record contract. But every now and again the industry get's a little injection of creativity and something special is born. Every generation sees the birth of something new over the last 100 years or so we have seen a metamorphasis of one genre into antother. The Roaring 20's became The Swinging 50's which became the Classic 60's and 70's, and eventually in the bastard decade known as the 80's gave us hip hop and rap. Of course the 90's gave us alternative and punk and mod-pop ... but that is not realy the focus of this article.

The musical revolution of this generation is something I like to call HYB-Hop. What is Hyb-Hop? Prounounced Hib-Hop it simply means Hip Hop Hybrid. Here is the hyb hop break down.

Hick-Hop
A blend of fiddle and twang with groove and flow. Made famous by Big n Rich and Coy Boy Troy, Both members of the independant Muzik Mafia.

Prep-Hop
Collar Poppin, Polo wearin, IV League style hip hop, designed to connect with middle - upper class america. Kanye West for example who raps about working at the GAP and college life as opposed to his gangsta rapper friends.

Hemp-Hop
A still relativly underground movement its a bunch of hip hop hippies doing their thing. Granola heads and reefers alike enjoy this acoustic driven genre'. Jason Mraz and the independant band Dispatch havebrought this style to the fore front but it is still in its infant stages.

There are more such as trip hop (dance related) and so on but these three seem to be poster children for a new generation of hybrid styles which hopefully will lead into a whole new musical phenomina. Where is music headed, what is the next big thing? It is uncertain at best, but as the pendulam shifts from performer back to artitst I am sure we will se some fantastic musical expressions in the days to come.

j. churchill morris

morrisless classic

Forget Metamussel...Regular is out.

(Announcer Voice)
Do you suffer from a normal, average, mundane, monotonous, b+, brokliesque common, peasantish existence? Are you tired of sitting around the house on Friday nights with nothing to do while all your friends are out having the time of their lives. Are you frustrated because the last date you had was when those hot pink stretch pants your wearing were still in style. If so the Philerpokets drug co. introduces IRREGLA. Its not just a drug, its a heaven sent miracle in a yellow gel coating. It will make you taller, smarter, sexier and more attractive. I will make interaction with the opposite sex flawless, and shoot you straight to the top of the corporate ladder. Thats right IRREGLA is the drug you have been waiting for. No more bore! You will be the hit of every party, and you will actually get invited to parties. Mens Health says "IRREGLA could even make a man out of Michael Jakson" Creepy trailer annoucer guy says, "It's an edge of your seat thrill ride.". Don Johnson says, "I miss being famous" Dr. Phil says "It's all about you! You have got to get Irregla. "So to put an end to everyday and turn mundane into mardi gras. Call 1-800-Irregla

Warning; use of IRREGLA and its lifestyle may cause headaches, diarrhea, upset stomach, cramps, bloating, hair loss, cancer, hangovers, STD's, death, and eternal damnation.

Don't buy into the hype.
Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world

Testing 1 2, 1 2, Is this thing on?

Aparantly morrisless has been down for the last few days this is a test of the emergency blog-casting system. This is only a test.

Grocery Line of Thought.

I was at the grocery store today and I noticed the can return center at Wegmans had a big sign that said "400 CAN A DAY MAX.) Who has that many cans? O.k. so you put off the can return for a couple of weeks. And you have 19 people in your house. And they all have sugar/ caffine addictions. And they use can returns as a second source of income. 400 cans a day still seems like a lot.

Speaking of cans if you go to the 7 item express lane with a 12 pack of dr. pepper is it one item or twelve? And if its only one can you buy 12 different cans of soda put one on the register ask the clerk to scan it 12 times and still put six other items through?

Speaking of putting items through, I went to papa johns to get dinner, and I said to the guy I don't come down here to often, I am kinda scared of this section of town. He said. "It's not to bad, only a few bullet holes here and there." I laughed and then he pointed to the bullet holes.

Speaking of wholes I hate pot holes and construction. I took a detour the other day because the exit for my street was closed I ended up 17 miles back toward where I started. Frustrated I decided to get Ice Cream only to find out they don't take credit cards. So I used the ATM which inevetibly charged me a $3.50 usage charge. Which luckily for me just happens to be the ammount of money I got back after I returned 400 cans of dr. pepper at Wegman's.

j.

I'll tell you anything you want to hear...

As long as you want to hear what I have to say.

Have you ever pondered to your self, "What does j. think about _____?"
Or, "I wonder what his opinion on _________ is?"

well here is your chance; for the next few days I will take your questions, inquiries, and suggestion on what to write about. Anything from the obscured to the divine, and who knows I might even make you laugh. What are you the reader interested in seeing from my perspective (by now you are convinced that my arrogance far exceeds any actual interest in your thoughts)? We can talk in seriousness or in jest which ever you fancy. From romance to religion, and from politics to polynomials I am sure I can come up at least 2 cents to say.

j.

Fantastic Freaks

It is now 2:30 in the morning and I just got back from the midnight showing of "Fantastic Four" a movie adaptation of a classic comic title. I am a closet comic junkie, I grew up on super heroes and action figures, I collected comic cards and "graphic novels". I however pail in comparison to the unique brand of basement dwellers that surrounded me this evening.

I am not sure if you recall the star wars post from a few weeks ago but these people are similar to that. You know the "live with your mom till your 30 because you spent all your money on comic books and pokemon cards" type. Usually have some sort of unkept facial hair, a little over weight, wears sweat pants and a spider man t-shirt with strawberry quick stains all over it. A room full of these die hards.

I will have to say it was actually kind of fun to watch the movie surrounded by these highly educated (in the field of comic trivia with a minor in dungeons and dragons) people. They laughed at all the inside "in the know" type jokes. They were annoyed about all of the stupid previews and actually said something about it. And some how they all seemed to know eachother. It was like some sort of weird frat. or something.

"Hey soandso I didn't know you were a geek to!" seemed to be the common greeting amongst them. Many of these "geeks" disguised themselves as "EMO" punk rocker type but for that hour and a half they were all 9 year old children. Midnight showings are one of the top ten people watching spots in my book. Make sure to show up a bit early so you can get a good look at them as they come in.

But don't let them catch you staring or they might try one of their Harry potter spells on you.
j.

p.s. does any one know of a good way to get strawberry quick of a white shirt?

"Find your center, within yourself"

One of the benefits of living next to a yoga center is that you get to hear all of the wonderful spir-o-babble and chi/karma nonsense (in my opinion) . By quarrel is not necessarily with these seekers, rather it is with the self centered society as a whole. What brought to light this obvious revelation that our entire country (and most of the world) consists of people so enamored with themselves they actually pay 2$ to walk through a house of mirrors?

It was a simple as a drive across town. Have you ever noticed that at every red light their is some woman talking on her cell and checking her hair or make-up in the mirror. Which is fine, execpt when it is the same woman four red lights in a row! I know mascara can run but it is not a track star for heavens sake.

Or how whenever there is an officer riding in a patrol car we automatically assume he must be after us, even if we did nothing wrong. C'mon admit it how many times have you slipped your seat belt on discreetly, turned on your lights (at 10 am), or slowed down to 2 miles under "just to be safe"? I have been known to pull of onto a side street now and then. (cause that doesn't look suspicious)

My absolute favorite is whenever someone beeps their horn anyone within ear shot thinks to themselves, "were they beeping at me?" Try it some time drive down a heavily populated street and give a quick toot for no reason. Watch how many people look "just to make sure" and that one guy (you know, the one who knows everyone") will probably even wave to you.

Call it being "centered within your self" it sounds spiritual, call it being self centered and maybe the mirror fun house won't be so enticing.
j

Bore Of The Worlds

This summers epic blockbuster "War of The Worlds" directed by Steven Spielberg and starring tom cruise had me on the edge of my seat twiddling my thumbs. The 16 min. Of trailers were the most exciting part because just when you thought it was over BAM! there was another one. The movie itself (based on the award winning novel) failed to conjure up such excitement.

I tried real hard to enter in to that mind state where every thing is believable and six shot revolvers never run out of ammo, really I did. But C'mon it was just one thing after another; The miracle van, the camera snake with no thermal sensors, the magic son, on and on the list goes. It all had this "Flight of the Navigator" feel where even though it was dark and death was every where you almost liked the aliens, with those big eyes. I was seriously waiting for an E.T. cameo.

Cruise spent more time in front of a green screen then he did learning his lines seeing as 80% of the script was made up of "we have got to get out of here" or "... Boston." The special effects should have been amazing, but it's hard to be in awe when it looks like a cross between "mars attacks" and" storm ship troopers." As far as I am concerned the only thumbs up this movie is getting is for Dakota Fanning (the little girl) who did a great Drew Barrymore (E.T.) like, scared of the alien thing when they were trapped in the basement (the second time). And the only Gold Star it is getting is from my first grade teacher for spelling the title right.

Which by the way has nothing to do with the movie, there was no war it was more like a big ol' alien smack down on planet earth, they kicked our butts for the first 90 min. and then all of a sudden cruise gets ahold of a grenade and you think to your self, "ok he is going to take over the ship and fight back." no he just blows it up. There is no McGuiver style alien ship dismantling just rabid bacteria and deadly cilia.

j.